FINAL DRAFTS:
Haiku
Water all around
Eyes closed, spirits are soaring
Lets sink down deeper
Tanka
Stepping through closed doors
Walking into the sunlight
Warmth soaks my skin
Let the sensation reign down
Freedom has found me
Bio-Poem
Adele
She was lost, unsure, wandering, but more importantly she was hopeful about the future
Daughter of Melanie
The things she grew to love each day: the ocean, the morning, the feeling of being loved
Like many around her, she had come to experience loss, gain, and a sense of independence
She feared becoming dependent on someone else and letting them into her world; she holds a fear rejection, as anyone would, along with disappointment
She discovered how to need someone else
She wanted to see happiness in all of the faces that she loved, and maybe even wanted to find companionship of her own
Currently living in San Francisco
Clay
ROUGH DRAFTS:
Haiku
Water all around
Eyes closed, spirits are soaring
Let us sink deeper
Tanka
I’m stepping outside
Walking into the sunlight
Warmth soaks my skin
Don’t let this feeling vanish
Come closer, you’ll understand
Bio-Poem
Adele
She was lost, unsure, and wandering, but more importantly she was hopeful about the future
Daughter of Melanie
The things she grew to love each day: the ocean, the morning, the feeling of being loved
Like many around her, she had come to experience loss, gain, and a sense of independence
She feared becoming dependent on someone else and letting them into her world. She also came to fear rejection, as anyone would, and of course, disappointment
Who discovered how to need someone else
Only wanted to see happiness in all of the faces that she loved, and maybe even wanted to find companionship of her own
Currently living in San Francisco
Clay
I loved the biopoem! It was written very well. The tanka was very good, and I can really relate to it. On the Haiku, I’m not sure if sinking is a good thing or a bad thing to do? However, that makes us think and there is nothing wrong with that. Good job.
I really like how you switched up the words in your Biopoem, it made it more interesting. (Instead of just saying “She loved, she feared, etc”). I really enjoyed your haiku and your tanka, but I felt that your tanka could have had a better beginning. Good job!
i really like these, they have plenty emotion have its clear what your trying to portray. but in the bio poem it seemed like you focused on mainly just one trait, tell more about the character
Haiku- the phrases “spirits are soaring” and “let us sink deeper” kind of contradict each other. this causes confusion of what is going on.
Tanka- Last line made it seem kinda creepy…….
Biopoem- ok, there are a lot of things in there that aren’t conventional or in the right format. Examples- “but more importantly, she was” and also for that line you dont want the “and” before “wandering” if thats not the last thing your going to say. “The things she grew to love each day:” thats formatting. if your trying to be intuitive then cool. if not, then its wrong. “She feared becoming dependent on someone else and letting them into her world. She also came to fear rejection, as anyone would, and of course, disappointment” – ok that is a paragraph of prose. that is not poetry.
“Only wanted to see happiness in all of the faces that she loved, and maybe even wanted to find companionship of her own” – FRAGMENT! either has she or who first, at least be consistent with the format.
Very well done. I ecspescially liked the haiku since i miss my pool
i really like your tanka. you used good descriptive words and made it very visual. good work
I really liked your tanka! I thought I could relate it very well. I didn’t like your Haiku as much and your Bio poem was written very well.
I liked em, dude
My favorite thing was how you didn’t stick to the traditional bio-poem form,and left room for the imagination