Poetry

FINAL DRAFTS:

Haiku

Water all around

Eyes closed, spirits are soaring

Lets sink down deeper

 

Tanka

Stepping through closed doors

Walking into the sunlight

Warmth soaks my skin

Let the sensation reign down

Freedom has found me

 

Bio-Poem

Adele

She was lost, unsure, wandering, but more importantly she was hopeful about the future

Daughter of Melanie

The things she grew to love each day: the ocean, the morning, the feeling of being loved

Like many around her, she had come to experience loss, gain, and a sense of independence

She feared becoming dependent on someone else and letting them into her world; she holds a fear rejection, as anyone would, along with disappointment

She discovered how to need someone else

She wanted to see happiness in all of the faces that she loved, and maybe even wanted to find companionship of her own

Currently living in San Francisco

Clay

 

 

ROUGH DRAFTS:

Haiku

Water all around

Eyes closed, spirits are soaring

Let us sink deeper

 

Tanka

I’m stepping outside

Walking into the sunlight

Warmth soaks my skin

Don’t let this feeling vanish

Come closer, you’ll understand

 

Bio-Poem

Adele

She was lost, unsure, and wandering, but more importantly she was hopeful about the future

Daughter of Melanie

The things she grew to love each day: the ocean, the morning, the feeling of being loved

Like many around her, she had come to experience loss, gain, and a sense of independence

She feared becoming dependent on someone else and letting them into her world. She also came to fear rejection, as anyone would, and of course, disappointment

Who discovered how to need someone else

Only wanted to see happiness in all of the faces that she loved, and maybe even wanted to find companionship of her own

Currently living in San Francisco

Clay

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Published on March 11, 2009 at 5:51 pm  Comments (8)  

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8 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I loved the biopoem! It was written very well. The tanka was very good, and I can really relate to it. On the Haiku, I’m not sure if sinking is a good thing or a bad thing to do? However, that makes us think and there is nothing wrong with that. Good job.

  2. I really like how you switched up the words in your Biopoem, it made it more interesting. (Instead of just saying “She loved, she feared, etc”). I really enjoyed your haiku and your tanka, but I felt that your tanka could have had a better beginning. Good job!

  3. i really like these, they have plenty emotion have its clear what your trying to portray. but in the bio poem it seemed like you focused on mainly just one trait, tell more about the character

  4. Haiku- the phrases “spirits are soaring” and “let us sink deeper” kind of contradict each other. this causes confusion of what is going on.

    Tanka- Last line made it seem kinda creepy…….

    Biopoem- ok, there are a lot of things in there that aren’t conventional or in the right format. Examples- “but more importantly, she was” and also for that line you dont want the “and” before “wandering” if thats not the last thing your going to say. “The things she grew to love each day:” thats formatting. if your trying to be intuitive then cool. if not, then its wrong. “She feared becoming dependent on someone else and letting them into her world. She also came to fear rejection, as anyone would, and of course, disappointment” – ok that is a paragraph of prose. that is not poetry.
    “Only wanted to see happiness in all of the faces that she loved, and maybe even wanted to find companionship of her own” – FRAGMENT! either has she or who first, at least be consistent with the format.

  5. Very well done. I ecspescially liked the haiku since i miss my pool

  6. i really like your tanka. you used good descriptive words and made it very visual. good work

  7. I really liked your tanka! I thought I could relate it very well. I didn’t like your Haiku as much and your Bio poem was written very well.

  8. I liked em, dude
    My favorite thing was how you didn’t stick to the traditional bio-poem form,and left room for the imagination


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